“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy!”

Well … a lot has happened in the last few days.

On Friday, I found myself at the ER. I woke up with a lot of pain in my neck near the catheter site and I was freaking out. Was it an infection? Could it be that there was something wrong? So my dad got on the phone and called my PCP and I headed out the door. My PCP met me there. We did a bunch of tests for scary things I don’t even want to think about … luckily they said there was just a bit of inflammation, and they did a dressing change, and took some blood cultures from the cath line to run some cultures in the lab (I should know in a few days if there is an infection) … it turns out that apparently when you are already immunosuppressed there is a higher risk of infection that you don’t see until it’s kinda too late (or at least that is what the ER doctor told me). So, anyway. We are waiting on the results from the labs, but I am hopeful that it is nothing.


The swelling in my neck/shoulder from the cath site has gone down and now I notice some odd things …. I can feel the tubing. I know … weird right? I didn’t think you would actually be able to feel it in there, but you can. Like going up the side of your neck. It’s an odd sensation. I think maybe that is why it is bothering me. I still have pain in the site like to push down on it … but I have an appointment with interventional radiology to get it checked out. (they are the ones that put it in) So I have that appointment tomorrow and hopefully it will answer some of my questions as well as hopefully getting some kits so that I can change the dressing myself because I hate going without getting it changed.


So … what else is new?


I spent a while today with my beautiful niece. You know, that reason for me getting up and out of bed every day. She smiled and giggled and laughed and each little sing-song noise she made my life my so much happier.  I love her so very much!


Me and Ra 1 Me and Ra 2 Me and Ra 3 Me and Ra 4


I am getting ready for my best friend’s wedding this coming weekend! I am still so nervous. Being in the wedding party is a huge responsibility and I just hope I don’t wear out and like pass out. I know I wont allow myself to get that far but still … at least my dad is going as my plus one so if anything goes wrong he will be there to take care of me. Hopefully I can get through the night unscathed and home! But it’s a good four hours away from home which makes me nervous. But we are trying to figure out what hair style goes best with the “moon-face” lol. My sister and I were talking about it … before this attack I had been planning a beautiful updo … but …. the moon face kinda throws that for a loop so I am thinking that a little up and a little down with some curls …. idk. I did buy myself a beautiful scarf to put on after the ceremony and pictures so that people don’t have to stare at my catheter line …. so at what point do I get less ‘vain’ for a lack of better words? Is it okay to be vain? I have never been one to care about my looks like that but I find that this in particular makes me nervous. Even gaining all of the weight when I first got sick … that never bothered me … but this? Why does this bother me?


So that is all that is new for me here …. oh, I got some chocolate. It wasn’t chocolate cake (maybe I’ll get some at the wedding) but I did make a delicious pan of gluten free brownies. They were pretty good … not the greatest, but okay. Definitely no Molten Lava Chocolate Cake from Chilis.


“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.”













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